Some days I have what I call “To Do” meltdown. I think it is a mini-panic attack, but I don’t really feel panicked or even attacked, but I do feel overwhelmed and out of control. Now being out of control for me is worse that a panic attack. I have been called a control freak and I call myself a recovering control freak, but I suppose, given my past life that I will always want a modicum of control over my life – who doesn’t? And, according to R, over him too! Well, yeah, that’s where the expression “If momma ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy” comes from. Because “Momma” controls and is therefore, “happy!” Every man, married or in a relationship, should know that.
But, back to my meltdown. In my early twenties I learned to write everything I needed to do down in my appointment book. When I graduated to my PDA and now my Smartphone, I still had to write down my “To Do” list in a modest 5” x 7” spiral bound notebook. I carry it everywhere and every time I think of something I have to do I write it down. If I don’t, I forget. I’m old. When I complete one of my “Do” things, I check it off. It is a system that works for me. You must have something like it too or else you have one of those photographic memories that I either envy or hate depending on which day it is.
Yesterday, I checked my “To Do” list. It was three pages long and this sudden wave of hopelessness and despair washed over me. “How will I ever get all this stuff done?” I lamented. I thought I was going to cry and, eventually I did when R asked me to drive him to one more meeting this week. It has been two plus months since I started doing all the driving and, according to the doctor, it will be four more months into the future. Meeting two schedules has put me on “Overload.” For every hour I have to drive Mr. Daisy (See blog of 5/26/2010) it is an hour I don’t have to accomplish those three pages of things to do. But, rather than soaking in my misery, I collected myself, wiped off the tears, and forged ahead with preparations for a party I was giving that evening for a departing colleague.
This morning however, I still feel somewhat overwhelmed and so, I am going to take my own advice. Slow down. Prioritize. Breathe. Sort out what really needs to be done today. Put those “I would like to do” items at the end of the list, and put those “Better be done or else” things up front. Finally, relax and take one thing at a time. Breathe.
Realistically, if I were to drop dead today the really important stuff would get done, or not, and the planet would not stop turning. In fact, even if I weren’t to drop dead today, the planet would survive if I never got them done! WOW, what a great idea! I’m going to go and cross off some items on my list right now and I’ll bet I can get it down to one page and have enough time to go see a movie and eat dinner out this week! It’s all a matter of perspective. I feel better already!
Rita slow down; enjoy life. I have a to do list; if it doesn’t get done today there’s tomorrow and the next day and so on. In your past life you has a schedule to follow everyday, as did i; ;made up ;my mind when I retired the pressure would be off. Enjoy retirement while you can. I have to drive my bride to all of her doctor appoints including trips to Baltimore; I just write off that time, what get’s done get’s done, what doesn’t doesn’t. You’re husband has to feel your pressure and right now he probably doesn’t need that added to his problems.
Thanks for the comments, Frank. I am sure you are right and I have already booted most of my “To Do” list and R and I have come to an understanding about driving Mr. Daisy! Since I’m not yet fully retired (I still work for the Diocese) I can only relax half the time, but it is good and I don’t make any appointments in the morning so I can enjoy my coffee and newspaper (while they are still publishing them). Love your blog – keep it up!