Damn spam. I wonder what software engineer sat up nights dreaming up ways to be sure the right spam messages got through to the target market. Well, whoever he is, he failed miserably at hitting the mark. And, I know this for certain because just this afternoon I got a “spam it” for a testosterone booster! Not to mention all the times I have gotten those emails for enlarging body parts that I do not have, nor never did have, nor ever plan to have. And, I won’t even go into the ones that want to enhance my sex life doing ridiculous things my mother would have locked me in the closet for even thinking about.
In reality some of my spam might actually be something I might find of interest, in a vague sort of way. For example, today there was also something on auto insurance and investing in a RothIRA as well as a pitch for satellite tv. Lately, I’ve been getting a spam thing called “DealChicken” which offers coupons for a variety of things. Today it was $99 for three laser hair removal sessions. Geez, too bad I’ve just about lost all of my hair, or at least the kind of hair one would have removed voluntarily. I think that comes under category one above.
The ones however that really get my goat are the ones insinuating that I am old, over the hill, or on my way to heaven (or maybe hell). Today my spam in this category was for burial insurance. Last week there was one for an anti-wrinkle cream. Another time there was one for a procedure to lift my boobs. Honey, my boobs are so far south now that it would take a Mack truck with a big crane to keep them up, not some simple procedure.
I think I’ll stay up nights dreaming up ways to be sure people get spam that is age appropriate, spiritually uplifting (and I’m not talking about boobs), and makes one feel good about themselves and the cards life has dealt them. I’d be sure those “Spam its” were re-routed to my “Inbox” and not in that spam folder with the “Delete Forever” button. We hardly need a bunch of morons reminding us that life is short, we’re not perfect, and if we use their idiotic product we’ll be so much better off. Please! Go away. Ah, but there is good news. I have a “Spam” folder and a “Delete” button.