It has been 23 days since my last post and I feel as though I have been on Mars, no Venus. Yes, I like Venus better. At any rate, on March 6th I entered the nether world of germs and bacteria called the “hospital” for more surgery. Being as how it was my 27th surgery I guess that is my treatment of preference for whatever ails me. Of course, it was the scheduled by-pass surgery on my right leg that I knew was coming and so, I was ready. I had even rehearsed my request “would you please wash your hands here in my room so I can see you,” speech so the germs would be held at bay. The nice nurses finally put a sign on my door to save my vocal chords.
Although I managed to have the surgery and get home in good time, I did in fact also manage to get myself re-admitted back into the hospital with a minor infection for another two days. It was monotonous, but necessary, and now I am back at home resting and recuperating. I am not going back to work for several weeks and so, I have a lot of time on my hands.
Prior to the surgery folks were saying things like, “With all this time on your hands you can…..” One or the other of us filled in the blanks with things like get a lot of reading done, write my memoirs, clean out my office files (actually after a year or two I just toss them), or as one friend said, “you can teach me how to cook.” I even believed all of this. I mean, what else would I be doing staying at home just taking pain meds, napping, and healing.
The doctor had told me that it would take all of six weeks for me to recover from the surgery. It wasn’t the incision healing, nor the interior arteries that had been cut open, by-passed, cleaned out, and sewn up. No, it was the loss of energy, or fatigue I would experience as the body recovered from the trauma of two incisions totaling 16” inches. Oh, okay, it should wear off in a couple of weeks methinks to myself, and I would have “all this time to…..”
Hah! My thoughts were that when I got tired I would nap and then I could get many things accomplished with “all this time.” Seems it doesn’t work that way. Rather than the take a nap from fatigue it is more like a huge lack of energy. I would simply walk around without the motivation to do almost anything. I wasn’t even that interested in food or reading. I love to eat and I love read even more. I used to hide a flashlight in my bedroom as a child and read under my pillow after lights out so my mom wouldn’t discover me. But now, I would read a few sentences and then go into this trance-like state where I just wouldn’t do anything. Nor, would I want to do anything. A little television is about all I seem to be able to handle. I’ve been wanting to blog for lo these many days, but it just hasn’t happened. My checkbook is unbalanced. I haven’t even visited Facebook much and it is an effort just to manage my email. Oh my, this isn’t at all like I imagined it.
It has now been almost three weeks since my surgery and it isn’t getting any better. I keep thinking today might be the day I’ll feel awake, motivated, alive, energetic again. So far, nope. And, so I wait. I do a bit here and a bit there, but nothing of any significance and most assuredly nothing like all of those things I could do “with all this time” on my hands. Maybe tomorrow.