My brother-in-law and I get into some very interesting conversations like the time he said, “I believe that all gay people should have equal rights, but I just can’t accept that they should be married. Civil Union is fine, but not marriage.” That conversation lasted a good two hours.
Said BIL visited us for Christmas this year and quite innocently brought up the story of creation in the bible. I know not why. He is not a fundamentalist by any means, and actually leans a bit toward the liberal side of Christianity. We were joking about how all those other babies came about and how did Cain and Abel suddenly find wives. It went from there to the ridiculous, but from it evolved my “other” story of creation.
God, had created a perfect planet for all of the flora and fauna that God would create. But, in the creation process there were naturally a number of mess-ups. Every manufacturing process has a pile of items that didn’t pass quality control standards.
For example, that damn Rhinoceros had two horns, but they were not side-by-side, but sideways moving up his snout like marching soldiers. And then there was that horse that somehow showed up with black and white stripes. And, the camel was simply a mistake twice because the one with two humps looked ridiculous and the one with one hump looked frumpy and dumpy.
God knew that these imperfect creations could never populate God’s perfect planet, so after considering all the alternatives, God took the 3rd rock from the sun and made it a viable place for the living creatures reject pile. It was called “Earth” for no particular reason. And, one by one God sent all the imperfect creations to dwell on earth.
The list grew and grew as each reject was sent to earth. It included the gray elephant with this way too long snout way too big ears. The giraffe’s neck got stuck in the neck-molding equipment and came out way too long. The alligator was supposed to be smooth skinned but, there was a jam-up in the skin finishing booth and created pointy blobs all over the skin. The three-toes sloth was shy a couple of toes, the possum hung by his tail instead of sitting nicely on a branch, and the sheep’s fur was kinky and cranky and wouldn’t behave.
Hyenas were a bit too screechy and the screech owl hooted. Coyotes howled over the top at the moon and became depressed when the clouds covered the moon. The buffalo and bison, although related, had somehow both missed the stocky leg room and had these skinny ankles that just didn’t seem to match their bulk. The horns on the gazelle were twisted, not straight. Cats multiplied in too many colors with too many variations of ears, eyes, and physique. Rabbits ears were way too long with a short puffy tail that was way too cute.
And on and on it went until God had created all the animals in the universe, populating his nirvana with only those animals that met God’s “Standard of Perfection.”
And then, God decided it was time to make something in God’s image. There were many attempts with all the imperfect ones ending up on earth. These imperfect ones included a female, one was a male, one was androgynous, one was an hermaphrodite, another a lesbian, another a homosexual. There were men in women’s bodies, women in men’s bodies. One was a dwarf, another a giant. One had no arms. Another had no legs. One had six toes, one had four toes. Many had chromosomal or neurological or physical imperfections. Oh, my the rejects mounted up until God was not sure that a perfect image would ever be obtained.
Then, one day God took a rest and looked over all that was created paying particular attention to this planet Earth. Suddenly God was filled with concern and pity for all those rejects and decided something had to be done to give them all some kind of inner peace. Because, you see, God loved all of his creations, both perfect and imperfect.
God couldn’t really decide what would bring all those animals peace so that idea was scrapped, but then he had this wonderful brainstorm to help all of those that had been attempted to be in God’s image. He would create a companion for them that would be the only perfect thing on earth. God created Dog!